I think my fart just growled at me.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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