my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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