And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
