how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
