My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
