i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
