You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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