Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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