I'm jealous of your bromance
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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