just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm passing your future prison.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
