its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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