If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
