Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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