first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
