Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
