FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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