I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
