last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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