After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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