Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
