I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
