READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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