Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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