3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
