If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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