I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
