I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
