Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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