I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
