I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
what day is it and did you see me today?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
True college students do jello shots in the library
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
