just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
