It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
