At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
