Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
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I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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