My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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