hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
