i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
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