I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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