the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sext me about skeletons
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
