Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
