Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
