you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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