oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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