no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
