i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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