I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
