If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
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