textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
where are my eyebrows?
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