I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
