it wasn't lemon gatorade
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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