it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
