Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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