shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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