Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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