And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
