About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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