My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
