I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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