you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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