he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
