I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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