She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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