I'm passing your future prison.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
