Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
