This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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