How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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