I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
