3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
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