dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
