he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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