Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
