life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
