I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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