I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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