My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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