the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
