oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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